Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
