I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
