Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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