Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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