i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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