At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
