I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
