I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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