He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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