We won't sleep together?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
