he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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