I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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