She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
