Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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