You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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