would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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