I love black thongs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
