Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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