forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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