P.S. I can't hear my feet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
