my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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