HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
