she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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