I seem to have left my pride at pride
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
