Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
