i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
