A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
