oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
