i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
