just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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