awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
