My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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