1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
