i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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