My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize