hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
