I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
