They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
