Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
