i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
