I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
