I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone signed my nipple.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
