if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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