How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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