I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
