I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
