I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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