Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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