what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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