Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
