i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
