dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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