i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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