I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
