someone threw a dead crab at me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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