he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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