my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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