VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
