There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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