dude i'm inner monologue high
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
birth control should be required to get into college
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
