apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i drank out of a bidet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
