between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
