I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
