margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
