im having a threesome with these popsicles
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
