You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
