It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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