You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
