I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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