oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
