Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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