i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
