New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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