i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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