Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
