i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
