well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
