I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
